Time Strangers: A Love Hina Fanfic

Japan, 2001: Motoko Aoyama was an ordinary Japanese girl (yep, that’s the name of our main character, and she’s Japanese because Japanese girls are wacky). She lived a happy life at “Hinata Inn” which was the name of the old hotel she lived in. Don’t worry, she knew how to take care of herself and besides, she lived there with her friends.

Motoko started practicing sword techniques when she was three years old. Her sister left her alone because she wanted to go on a trip to see the world. Motoko was all happy and just kept practicing the art of the sword. Okay, I lied. She was everything but ordinary. In fact, she was like a demon once she started fighting. All that training of hers seemed to have paid off.
Anyways, back to her friends.
One of them (the hotel’s owner); Keitaro Urashima, came there three years ago. They got along very well and you could tell by the look in Motoko’s eyes that she was in love with him, even though she refused every time someone asked her. She also lived with Naru Narusegawa, who was Keitaro’s girlfriend (quite ironic, isn’t it?) Then there was Shinobu Maehara, a pretty shy girl. She was about 16 years old and loved cooking, stuffed animals and writing (hey, I like writing too!) Next is Mitsune Konno. She’s called Kitsune (meaning fox) because her eyes are halfway closed most of the time due to serious amounts of alcohol. Other than alcohol, she likes men and gambling (she’s the closest a Japanese woman will ever come to being American, hah). Then there’s Su Kaolla, a girl who appeared to be from India, who loved anything that can be categorized under “gun power”, and the best thing she knew was to invent stuff - she did it all the time. Mostly tanks, rifles, fighter robots and something close to a-bombs, but sometimes she did inventions to help people in their daily lives, like a time machine. Yes, a time machine. I don’t know how the hell she made it, but she did... And it worked.
The only drawback was that if you didn’t have a pair of ultraviolet glasses while travelling, your eyeballs would explode due to heavy amounts of light. Now how’s that sane for you?

Unfortunately, Su challenged her friends to a duel. A card duel, that is. If she won, they all would have to go on a trip to the future. And yes, of course she won. If she hadn’t, I would have nothing to write about, right?

They were all standing inside of this giant metal box which was supposed to send them further into time. Some annoying hippie music was playing in the background. “Why the hell did you install this kind of music, Su?” Keitaro said, all stressed. “For the right atmosphere!” “What atmosphere?” He glared at her.
They put on the ultraviolet glasses. “Now I look like Teal’C from Star Trek!” Su said, laughing. While the others were trying to figure out where and when they wanted to go, Kitsune, who had been drinking again, tripped and hit the main switch. “NO! You fool!” Keitaro shouted, but it was too late.
So yeah, off they went.

“..Ouch, my head.” Kitsune whined.
“It’s your own fault! How about cutting down on the alcohol budget once in a while?” Naru was furious. “See what you’ve put us through!”
“We can always go back? It’s a time machine you kn...” Kitsune looked at the panel. It was totally crushed. “Eh, never mind. But Su can fix it? I mean... she made the thing.” “Sure I can!” Su broke the silence, just as happy as always. “Just give me some time! You guys can hang out meanwhile.”
“Yeeeah, we could do that, but where is this anyway? I have no guesses of what age this is, either. It looks pretty much the same as Japan.
“We’re in the middle of the dessert, you idiot!” Naru and Keitaro shouted. “Aight, let’s go folks!”
“Where?” Shinobu managed to say.
“We’re going shopping! What did you think?”
“Sigh.. I don’t know.”
“Hey! I just realized, we crashed in the middle of a dessert, right?”
“Congratulations, captain obvious.”
“Then Keitaro, you have to carry me doing piggyback!”
“Hell no.” he replied.
“Aw, come on! Stop being so mean!”
“I won’t carry you. And besides, I don’t think Naru would’ve liked it.”
“What do I care?” Naru said.
“Wha..? Eh... Let’s just get to town. Fastest way is... that way!” He pointed at some pointy rocks and a dried out forest some kilometres away.
“You’re born stupid, Keitaro.” Naru said.
“I’m not! Let’s see you choose a way, miss know-it-all!”
“There.” Somehow, there were buildings in that direction, neon lights as well.
“I can’t believe it... We’re saved!”

They arrived. People were walking everywhere. There were shops and restaurants, including a big supermarket.
“Okay... this seems like the US” said Keitaro, suddenly in English.
“Indeed it is.”
“Who’s there?” Naru replied.
“One-Eyed Joe at your service!”
“Who are you? What year is it, and why does your name contain “One-Eyed”?”
“I am a fisherman and the year is 2008, you better check the calendar next time! And the reason I have a stupid name IS BECAUSE I ONLY HAVE ONE EYE! GAAAAH!”
He started chasing after them, with a giant foam around his mouth.
“Run!” Keitaro startled.
They ran into the giant supermarket and bounced into some random guy with mascara down his cheeks. He seemed to be crying for something. “Leave Wal-Mart alone! Leave it alone!”
Even more terrified, after running a bit, they stopped at a video shop. The TV was on, and it was the BBC news.
“While the killer virus is continuing to spread, people are turning insane everywhere! Remember that the infection is transferred by spit, and even a little drop may contain enough bacteria to infect you.”
“D-did you hear that, Naru?”
“Yeah. We have to be extremely careful. You go get that shovel, and I’ll use this spoon.”
“Spoon? As a weapon?”
“Yep.”
“I’m not going to ask. But hey, what happened to Kitsune, anyway?”
“I don’t really care; I bet she’s lost in the dessert or so.”
They heard music coming from above them. “Where have I heard that before?” Keitaro said.
The sound of it had the appearance of guitar strings, and the vocals were terrible and the text was something about a dog and the “under the belt”-part of a man’s body. There was no curiosity, it had to be him.. Bob Saget!
“Maybe we can ask him for help? Keitaro suggested.
“Yeah, that’s possible. Let’s go!”
They rushed up the stairways to find him screaming into a microphone on the scene.
“BOB! BOB SAGET!”
Silence came. He looked at them and said: “Yeah?”
“Come with us! We have candy!”
“All right! Got to go folks, I love you all!”
So he came with them. Then they beat the crap out of him and put him in a bag.
“So what now?” Keitaro frowned.
“We’ll head back to the time machine without getting eaten by zombies?”
“Sounds good.”

They were at the supermarket’s exit. Now all they had to do is to run to the time machine without getting devoured by brain-dead people. It wouldn’t be fun if they ran all the way through the dessert without anything happening, right? I know, that’s why it’s time for our dear transvestite and One-Eyed Joe to return.
“I HATE THE AUTHOR OF THIS ESSAY!”
“What’re you talking about, Keitaro?”
“Nothing. Nothing at all.”
“GAAAAH!”
“Holy crap, let’s go, Naru!” “Roger!”
“Leave One-Eyed Joe alone!”
(Who said those two were companions? Just because they’re evil doesn’t mean they cooperate!)
Naru and Keitaro got into the time machine. Suddenly, One-Eyed Joe looked at the transvestite and said “What’d you say?” “Um, Joe? Good old Joe?” he said, his voice all high-pitched. “No, you said something more. You said One-Eyed, didn’t you?” “No, no I swear, I did not say One-Eyed! Oh dear, I said it again.” “GAAAAH!”

I don’t know quite what happened, but Naru and Keitaro, who sat inside the time machine, saw something red and liquid-like splash over the window multiple times. Then they saw long strings swing through the air containing something that looked like the rests of food, almost like gummy worms!
“Where’s Kitsune?!” Naru yelled.
“Over there!” Shinobu pointed at Kitsune, lying drunk in one of the metal box’s corners.
“What a relief...” Naru sat down, trying to catch her breath.

It got quiet. Then something bashed the walls of the machine.
“Woah!”
Then Naru said: “Heh, Bob Saget just got useful.”
Keitaro said: “But we can’t.. can we?”
“We can.”
And so they took poor Bob out of the bag he had rested in and opened the door of the time machine. They tossed him out and slammed the door as quickly as they could. Unfortunately, Bob’s hand got stuck in the door. That didn’t really matter, because this time an even bigger squirt of red liquid hit the window. Hmm, mysterious.

Keitaro yelled: “Su! Get us the hell out of here! Now!”
“HAI! (Meaning yes in Japanese)” She pulled the switch and then a white light hit the sky. Too bad Keitaro forgot to put his glasses on..

And the moral is... Don’t you ever lose a card game which will force you to go on a trip through time and then ask a guy why his name contains weird words with hyphens in them. It’s not good for your sight.

- ChuChuNeko